Saturday, 9 January 2016

Book List - That One About Fairies

Previous Book List Post


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Ok, technically, this is not a book. Actually, it is LITERALLY not a book, much like everything else on my list. But this one is even LESS of a book than the others. Here's what it is:


That's it. It's one page. Half a page, actually, of loose plot. Plot that is perhaps the most boring plot to have ever been partly plotted. It's about a "house fairy," aka, a tiny fairy who LIVES IN PEOPLES HOUSES CAN WE SAY THE BORROWERS WITH WINGS, who wants to go to the fridge.

O-okay . . . .

. . . . .
. . . . .
. . . . .

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE:


A page of rough ideas. And that's fine, in and of itself. But what it says, WHAT IT SAYS, OH MAH GAWSH, is possibly the most cringe-inducing, non-creative bit of creativity I've ever put to page. Or at least one specific part is; I'll let you judge the rest for yourself. I mean, I didn't even remember this ideas page, so . . . I claim plausible deniability. Or something.

So, in case you can't read the childish scribbles in those grainy pictures, I'll break it down for ya.

~Top  left, we have a section called "Live." This would be, presumably, places where these house fairies would reside. Let's see, we have: In the fridge. Ah. Not making sense, right off the bat. I can only imagine that I wanted them to be sort of Inuit fairies. I guess their tiny lungs could last on the oxygen in the fridge in between openings? Anyway. We also have: in the bedrooms (which could present a whole list of problems in it's own right), in the living room, in the cupboards, and in the bookcase. Thank goodness no one's living in the bathroom.

~To the right of "Live" we have "names." Straightforward. Let's see what we've got: Sunny (lol Sunny), Sugar, Honey, Jade, Chloe, Violet, Rose, Lily, Pearl, June, April, May, Blossom, Amy, Sweet Pea, Lollipop, Jay-Lee, Clover.

. . . .Uh-huh . . . .

Putting aside the fact that half of these sound like stripper names, I can only stare at "Jay-Lee" and wonder where in the actual WORLD I got that from. I mean, I don't doubt it's the name of someone, somewhere, but I have no idea where 12-year-old me would have gotten it from. I just . . . I just don't know. And freaking LOLLIPOP??

Moving on.

~"Wings." It appears I only had enough creativity for six wing styles. I think I wanted each fairy to have different wings, because HEAVEN FORBID fairies from the same family/clan/county/ROOM I DON'T EVEN KNOW--heaven forbid they have the same wing style. But alas, there was only six. Alas.

~In the top right, we have "eat." It says: Crumbs, little bits of food they find OR take off the food we eat (but not both!!), leftovers (little bits). *Sigh* okay, y'know, fine, I see where I was comin' from. Let's not dwell here, I'm feeling compelled to give food to creatures who don't exist.

~Immediately under "eat," like, so close as to be confusing, we have "drink." Here's where it gets weird, as if it wasn't already: Drops of water from sweating water bottles, and forgotten or "covered-up" spills. Forgotten or "covered-up" spills?!?!?! What does that even mean??? Why are there quotation marks around "covered up"??? I don't even have a snarky comeback for these questions; I am legitimately confused and horrified. And let's not pass by SWEATING WATER BOTTLES. What, these people can't push the tap handle enough to get it dripping, so they can gather water? They can't scoop some out of the pitcher in the fridge? Can't . . . freaking . . . hop out a window and gather some rainwater??? CAN'T CONJURE SOME WITH THEIR MAGIC? WHAT GOOD EVEN ARE THESE FAIRIES THEY'RE LIVING OFF CONDENSATION.

Ahem.

~Under, um, "drink," we have "Setting." There are the words "a house," scratched out for no particular reason. Then it reads, "Every house has fairies, but this story take place at 25 Willow Street, Midnight, bedroom hall, stairs, living room, kitchen." Oh, ok. Thanks for that enlightening information, I'll keep that in mind. And then there's a little drawing of a house.

~Bottom left, the last and most uncomfortable category, is "Traits." I say uncomfortable, because DEAR GOSH, look at these characteristics. ALL fairies are:
girls (new fairies must be hatched from magic eggs, or the LAUGH OF A BABY, or something), magic, young, delicate, small, beautiful, fast, smart, fun, happy, friendly, 
nice.

Ok, I guess it's not toooo bad, considering it IS teeny fairies that we're talking about. But still, you know, you KNOW, that "tall," "blonde," and "white" are all lurking somewhere under the generalization of "beautiful." Not because I was a racist child, but because somewhere along the way, the world had hammered into me that that's what beauty was. That's what heroines looked like. And so yes, I cringe when I look at this list, because it just feels so wrong and naive.

Anyway, since ALL fairies are like that, but not ALL fairies can be exactly the same, SOME fairies are "stronger and tougher than others" (but still friendly and nice, we presume), SOME are loud, "rambuncious," messy, and unorganized. SOME are calm, quiet, neat, organized, and orderly. So, everyone's a stereotype, but some are teeny body builders, some are annoying slobs, and some are obnoxiously obsequious. Hm, fun. These are definitely characters I want to get to know . . . . yeah . . . .

Also, in the corner, there's a circle that says "fairy tale or fantasy" inside. Yes, a story with fairies would probably fall in one of those categories, thank you. I really needed to write that down so I wouldn't forget.

I realize I just talked for a ridiculously long time about ideas, and not about the story itself, but that's mostly because the story can be summed up like this:

Jade is bored and wants to travel to the fridge (or maybe she's scarred by the things she's seen, living in the bedroom). Amy is against it and wants her to stay (the little pervert). Jade will go tonight. She puts a hairbrush in a clamshell, then falls asleep behind a MAGICALLY APPEARING PICTURE FRAME. She wakes up at midnight and flies down to the ground. She proceeds to walk (YES WALK) down the hall and into the living room. She meets Blossom, a functionless character who's only purpose in the story or in life is to point Jade to the fridge. We see nothing further, but can only imagine that Jade reaches the fridge with no resistance and lives a happy life behind the forgotten leftovers from last Thanksgiving. THE END.

Isn't that just the most exciting thing you ever did read. Also, LOOK AT THIS PLOTTING GRAPH:


Wow. WAAOOOW. Such depth. Much ideas. It's based off of this other graph, from which spawned my Philip Story . . . I guess?


It's based around the common theme of . . . exiting?? Cloud city, haunted house, finding a magical land, kidnapped, lost, cave? EXITING?? And then there's THIS:


Freaking PLOTTING OF PAGES and a MAP which only contains a bathroom even though NO ONE LIVES THERE!!

*heavy breathing*

Ahem.

I'm okay.

. . . .

. . . .

. . . .

Mmm, nope, I'm not, goodbye.


10 comments:

  1. Aaahhhh! These are the BEST. I got so excited when I saw this post on my dashboard. I am dying. XDDD

    Hey, I never even plotted when I was younger (okay, I still usually don't either...), so you were doing way better than me!

    The whole Jay-Lee thing killed me. When I was reading the list I was thinking one of those names didn't quite match the rest. Hahaha! Gold right there.

    All the fairies being girls and "beautiful" totally sounds like what I would have done when I was little as well. You gotta love our little naive minds from then. XD

    This was so great. Your comments just crack me up!

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    1. CHRISTINE! Your comments make me smile. X) ^.^ I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE THESE POSTS. XD

      LOL I knowwww! Where did it come from? Where did it go? Where did it come from Cotton Eye Joe? "Jay-Lee". What even. XD

      Hahaha, ah, fairy tropes. And little-girls'-interests tropes. So silly. X)

      Hehe, thaaaanks! ^.^

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  2. This was hilarious and cute, I almost wish I had kept more of my writing from my younger years, or that I wrote more.
    Borrowers with with wings, actually seems like a pretty good idea. The stripper names got me.

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    1. Hahaha, the fact that they're similar to Borrowers only occurred to me as I wrote the post. I'm not even sure if I'd SEEN (or read, bc I think it was a book first) "The Borrowers" when I started this story. XD But yes, I think those Borrowers could have benefited from wings. X)

      And lol UGH those names. I can't. Only half of them are really stripper names, and the other half are grandma names. I mean, literally. My grandma's name was Pearl. Why I included that name in my list, we'll never know. XD

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  3. OMG Each! This post actually inspires me to post my own using those pictures that you drew for me. That post will definitely happen... at some point.

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    1. LOL I can't wait to see it! I can barely even remember what all I drew. XD

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  4. Oh this is great! Fairies who live in the fridge. :D

    Seriously though, when I was a kid I wouldn't even thought of making a plot graph. I didn't even know what a plot graph WAS. I think you ought to get some points at least for making one.

    Actually, I just made lists of characters names and kept all the stories in my head so. . . yeah.

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    1. Hahaha, thanks! X)

      Well, I think I was just following instructions in a kids' 'How to Write a Book' book, so I can't claim those points. XD hehe but thanks!

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  5. GAAAHHHHH!!! I STINKING LOVE THIS!! XD Lollipop the fairy & sweating water-bottles... And dat plot graph, though! You are soooo lucky I have "lost" all of my old work like this. (MINE WAS ABOUT A FREAKING PRINCESS BUTTERFLY!!! IT WAS AWFUL!!)

    Thanks for the giggle. :D

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    1. Lol I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING! XD Haha, I've "lost" a story or two, as well. Thank heavens, right? XD

      Hehe, np! Glad you liked!

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