Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Book List - Matthew Squeakly (again)

Way back in the infancy of my blog (yes yes, my blog is still a toddler, I know that, shush), I was making posts about all my old stories. I only did two of them, then stopped for some unknown reason. Which is not unusual for me.

But! I wanted to continue, because what could make you (the reader) feel better when you're down in the dumps about your own writing (which is fantastic, btw) than laughing at the stupidity of my old writing attempts?

Last time, I despaired that I couldn't find numbers 2 and 3 from my list. BUT JOYOUS DAY, I FOUND THEM RECENTLY! So I can regale you with actual lines from this "book." XD

Oh, look! I'm finding new details already. In the last post I made about this story, I said that Matthew Squeakly was a mouse. Well I was wrong, he's a hamster. And the subtitle is "A Hero is Born," and the subtitle under THAT is "Episode 1." EPISODE ONE, GUYS. How long was I planning to make it? And how hilarious is it that I couldn't even get through the first episode? X)

By the way, that makes the full title look something like this:

The Adventures of 
The Hamster
A Hero is Born

And look at this, each chapter also has a title!

Chapter 1: A Day at School
Chapter 2: Crazy Plan, Crazy Mouse (w-wait, NOW he's a mouse?!?)
Chapter 3: A Rat's Trap
Chapter 4: Are Seed Booths Unfair? (WAT?)
Chapter 5: New Friend
Chapter 6: Not my Girlfriend! (That's definitely an 8-year-old type thing to say)
Chapter 7: Warrior (Well that escalated quickly)
Chapter 8: The Tradition (this chapter received half a page of scrawled text, and that's as far as I got)

Lemme break down each chapter for you:

1 - Matthew and his friend Mark decide at recess that they will go and catch the jewel thieves that are on the loose, because A) the police are useless, and B) AND I QUOTE, "It's about time I had an adventure, anyway!"

2 - Matthew and Mark plan their caper with stimulating conversation such as,
"AHA! I've got it!"
"What is it?"
"A plan!"
"Tell me! Tell me the plan!"
They decide to meet at the olive grove at midnight, go to the old mill where the robbers are hiding out because THE NEWS ON THE RADIO THAT MORNING THAT AN EIGHT-YEAR-OLD HAMSTER CHILD WOULD TOTALLY LISTEN TO SAID THAT THE ROBBERS WERE HIDING OUT THERE. IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE YOU GUYS. These children are going to board up the windows and doors so that the robbers can't get out, and then call the police on Mark's cellphone. Oh! OOHHHHHHH THE GENIUS! I'M IN AWE.

3 - At 11:59, M and M snuck through the trees, approached the windmill (yes, windmill. By they olive grove. WHERE THE HECK DID I GET "OLIVE GROVE" FROM?!?), and waited for the thieves to go to bed, which happened at 12:30. Lucky them. M and M set to work, and were magically finished sealing the rats inside after six capitalized "bangs." It went a little something like this (actually, it went exactly like this, this is an exact quote):
"What the?!" the rats yelled. "What is that?" They where to late. (ah, love that 8-year-old spelling. End quote, also.)
By 1:00, M and M were back in bed and the rats were in jail. Police procedure doesn't take nearly as long as people think it does, apparently.

4 - By this time, a whole 7 hours later, everyone at school had already heard about their heroic feat, and wanted M and M to tell them about it. Apparently our "heroes" decided to MAKE A PROFIT FROM THIS and charged seeds (hamster/mouse currency, I guess) before they told the tale. Nothing came of this chapter, and no answer to the titular question was offered. This chapter was a non-event.

5 - Suddenly, SUMMER! Mark's family was off on vacation, and Matthew was lonely. Then, he meets a mouse girl (yes, this one is ACTUALLY a mouse) named Lisa, they played together, everyone was very happy, yay.

6 - Mark came back, all three played together, yay friends. School came around again, and "there were rumors going around that someone had a girlfriend." Which, I suppose might be a big deal in elementary school? I don't know. Homeschooler, over here. Anyway, it's revealed that people think that Matthew and Lisa are an item, which enrages Matthew, because there's nothing on this earth worse than being in a relationship. We don't see Lisa in this chapter, so we don't know what she thinks of it. Then the chapter's over.

7 - Oh look! It's the day before Matthew's 12th birthday. So maybe I WAS older than 8 when I wrote this? But I'm almost certain I wasn't 12 yet.... maybe I was 9 or 10? Whatever. I was too young to properly construct a book. Anyway, school is a bore, Matthew can't concentrate, the day is finally over, Matthew can't sleep, finally it's morning, and Mom and Dad Squeakly are waiting for Matthew with two special presents. Lo and behold, they are a shining sword and a green hat (sort of a cross between Peter Pan's hat and Link's hat). Oh gosh. This next quote. "Matthew was speechless. Matthew the everyday hampster (yes, hamPster) had become Matthew the warrior!" A sword (and a hat) does not a warrior make, younger me. What's your issue?

8 - I'll give you this chapter verbatim, because it's quite short:
In this town, there is a tradition, that, when a boy becomes of age, they are to recieve a sword and hat. They are to practice until the can use the sword to fight and defend themselves and others. Then the are to travel the world, and fight


And that's it. That's where the book ends, spelling errors and all.

I feel like this post is way too long for the subject material, but I couldn't stop quoting this stupid thing. XD Ah, my childhood. Well anyway, look forward to the next book on the list, which I wrote around the same time, but a little later. So if I was 9 for this one, I was 10 for that one, etc.

Do you have any stories from years gone by that make you laugh and/or cringe? Do tell, I'd love to hear about them. ;)


  1. Oh-My-Gosh, I love this post so much!!! So adorbs!! <3

    I wrote a 'picture-book' when I was 5 about a princess butterfly. The title was, obviously, "Princess Butterfly." (SO CREATIVE! :P) Here's a quick summary...

    The princess butterfly & her royal parents had to move because her father (the king, mind you!) had to get a new job... They moved into a big tree & decorated the entire tree house/castle, met a bunch of new animal & insect friends, had a giant birthday party/sleepover in the new home because the princess had come of age, and the grand (unfinished) finale was a giant human catching the princess in a jar--- THE END.

    Yeah... Fine literature for ya. :P

    1. Hahaha thank you! ^.^

      LOL woah, twist ending! XD What is it with young kids and writing/reading "coming of age" stories? X) Ah, so awesome.

      Old stories are SO MUCH FUN to read over again!

  2. I am laughing SO hard. This is hilarious! Your commentary on everything is just killing me. XDDD

    I cringe at pretty much all my old writing. But hey, it's encouraging, too. At least we know we're improving, right? ;)

    1. Hehehe I rather hoped someone would find it amusing. X)

      Ugh, eventually in this little series of mine, we'll come across one story that was absolutely, without doubt, the WORST story I've ever written. I shudder every time I think of it, but I also fight not to burst out laughing. I don't know. I have a love-hate relationship with that story.

      But yes, it does help to show how much you've improved. Which is why my brain gets all confused and uncomfortable when I read a book where the writing style sounds like how I USED to write. It's just a weird sensation to read a published work and think, "That's what I would have written for that situation...back THEN...."

      Is that weird? XD

    2. NO, THAT'S NOT WEIRD. Or if it is I'm weird with ya because I do the SAME THING. Whenever I come across a horribly written book I just sit there like, "Sheesh, probably not very skilled *me* could have written this better!" It's just frustrating because it's sooooo hard to get published, and then these awfully amateur books populate bookstores and I'm like HOW???

    3. Yeah! Or, it doesn't even have to be horribly written, maybe only a phrase here and there reminds me of my old works, and it makes me think, "Well, if they could get published with a style like this, maybe my writing ability isn't as bad as I think it is!" X)

  3. I loved this, made me smile. I happen to still think that being in a relationship is the end of the world. :) Link's Hat you say, are you a Zelda fan? XD

    1. Well, we have a whoooole bunch of Zelda games, but I've only played a few to the end. I got to the final boss of Wind Waker but couldn't beat him, and I completed Four Swords Adventure. I've TRIED Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, but didn't get very far. X) But I like the characters from the games, anyway. ;)

    2. That's still cool that you have played, and you like the character's. I have only beat two Zelda games. One was Ocarina of Time, I am in the process of beating Wind Waker. They are beautiful games.

    3. Yeah, they are! I really enjoyed playing Wind Waker. I loved the cartoony style, also. X)

  4. I TOTALLY REMEMBER THIS FROM OUR CHILDHOOD! I remember that we were at day camp at church, and you were writing this by the stage in the morning because you didn't want to play games. I also have a hamster story written in a notepad like that because I wanted to be like you! HAHAHAHA..... ohhhh, the fetus days of our best-friendship..... *passes out in utter embarrassment*

    1. LOL OH YEAAHHHH!! XD I kinda remember that. X) Lol just wait till we get to number 4 on my list. I showed you that one not too long ago. In fact, I think I read it into my ipod voice recorder and sent it to you. XD

  5. I only VAGUELY remember that..... but I remember that it was super funny!!! :P

  6. Hahahahaha, this had me dying! When I was reading it, I was like that's definitely something Rach would have said, haha.

    I definitely remember writing this one story where someone walked around on stilts (idk...?)...I wonder if I still have it.

    1. LOL the story or the commentary? XD hehe both, obviously. X)

      STILTS! I would definitely be interested in hearing about your old stories, Sunny. ;D